Hi everyone!

This is the first entry for The “HUH?” This series is a more casual, diary-like set of posts talking about some things I’ve been struggling as an adult. I’m basically writing these posts as if I’m talking to my audience when I’m live streaming (you can view those here), openly, random at times, with a few jokes from time to time (I also don’t really proof-read these as much as my other articles, so excuse the typos).

For some context, I’m the oldest of 3 girls. First to go to college, first to move out (actually.. still the only one to move out), and first one trying to navigate life. Something I have been struggling with since I moved out was making a place feel like a home.

I first moved out for college in 2019, but I lived in a dorm. Since I had a small corner of our tiny dorm, it was easy to decorate and make it feel like me. The pandemic hit during the spring semester of my freshman year (2020) and I had to move back in with my mom. When it finally came time for me to move out again, I decided to get an apartment that was built and marketed towards the university students. It was similar to the dorm in the way it came empty but had the basic furniture. I didn’t need to buy a bed or anything, but I had a massive empty canvas and struggled to make it feel home-like. To be fair, I didn’t know what that even meant. I didn’t have the most space growing up since I had to share my space with everyone. I slept in the living room with my sister in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment since rent is so expensive in Los Angeles, but we did what we could with our spaces. My sister decorated her space a lot more than me, but my mom wasn’t the most ecstatic about that. Our styles differed so much from my mom’s. I never really had the opportunity to explore how I wanted to decorate my space. I used old bedsheets I had from when I was a kid (I’m talking Dora the Explorer blankets at the age of 18). I was able to slowly buy some wall decorations for my last apartment, but honestly I was struggling a ton financially so by the time I felt comfortable with it, I was moving within a few months.

I moved into my first real apartment this past December (2024). It was a completely empty canvas this time. No furniture, no plans, just a huge space and I had to “figure it out.” I was looking at furniture online, on the classifieds posts at work, Facebook Marketplace, you name it. My biggest problem was the fact that I don’t have a car (or a license at that – WE LISTEN AND WE DON’T JUDGE – that’s for a post another time…) and most people wanted me to go pick up the items. I was slowly saving up for a few things. So far, I have some stools in the kitchen, a beautiful new couch, coffee table, and I’m getting a nice little vanity setup in my bedroom this week. Now, I have been living here for about 3 months and still don’t have a bed. I had an air mattress which was really comfortable (no, seriously) until my dog popped it (he’s a hyper not-so little guy in the morning). I’m FINALLY getting a bed this upcoming weekend, but there’s still so much work. My goal is to have this place fully furnished by the end of the year. It’s a really solid goal and I have been making great progress, but I’m still very lost. I have a theme going and a vision, but because I’m buying everything so slowly the vision isn’t clear as of right now. Actually, the couch kind of made my mind up for the majority of it. I got it on clearance, so I didn’t get to choose the color. It’s this beautiful blue-gray color (blue is one of my favorite colors), so now I’ve just been planning around it. The decorations I had prior were just a ton of LED signs I got off of Amazon, some Govee RGB light bars – not sponsored, and a huge Valorant poster (for those who know me, it has probably been my #1 game for the past 3 or so years). I feel like I don’t really have a place for these now. My setup is currently in the living room since I have a ton of space for it here, but I am just holding on to the lights for now until I figure it all out. I have an idea for how to make it fit, but I don’t know if it’s going to come out well yet.

DISCLAIMER: I should probably mention this now, I am very transparent about my partners/sponsors/affiliations and will always disclose whether or not I work with a company or not. Regardless, I will only work with and promote companies who have products or services I actually use and/or enjoy. I never liked the idea of getting paid to lie about liking a product. I will always disclose which links give me commission. You deserve to know.

Here’s the biggest problem. As of right now, it still doesn’t feel like a home. I know this place is all mine, I am paying for it, I’m living in it, but something about it still feels temporary. Ever since I was homeless over a decade ago, every place I’ve lived has felt this way. I know a few people who were homeless in the past as well who have had this feeling as well. You go from having a place that was always home for you and you lose it in an instant it feels. It’s hard to build that foundation again. Well, I’m actually building the foundation for the first time basically. It’s still so empty, so that probably doesn’t help either. I have been talking about it a lot and asking a million questions because I don’t know how to do things (adulting is hard as we have probably found out) and have been doing my research, but it still feels like it’s not enough. I have my mom telling me one thing, other family members and friends telling me another thing, coworkers saying something completely different, about this process and how I should go about it and I don’t know who to listen to because everyone tells me something different. Why is it so complicated?

Ultimately, I’ve decided to just do what feels right to me. I have a plan set in mind and decided that if it doesn’t work, that’s okay. It wasn’t meant to go through at this very moment. I can’t predict how things will happen because it’s my first time going through this process (and going through it alone is a whole different battle). My close family and friends have been great listeners and reassure me that this process is tough no matter what stage you are in it. For the very least, I’ll be able to share this experience with my younger sisters so they’ll have more guidance than I did. That’s kind of how it has always been (though my younger sister who’s in college was giving me a lot of guidance on things the past two years now that she’s going through college and a change of lifestyle).

That’s one of the reasons I wanted to start this series. I know I’m not the only one going through this and that there’s still so many people out there that have yet to go through this experience. Maybe your experience is similar to mine, or will be similar, or maybe not. It’ll give you a different perspective, maybe new ideas, on how to approach certain obstacles. I’ve already faced so many since starting college. Honestly, I wish I had the idea to start this series sooner, but it’s never too late right?

Anyways, I’ll probably post regular updates on this topic specifically as I go through and get this place furnished and stuff. I’m learning a lot about who I am as a person through this process, trying to find what my style is, likes and dislikes, and all of that. I’ve also realized that this place might look crazy at the end if things don’t match up, but that’s something I’m okay with. I’m only buying things I like anyways. Also, everything in here is attached to a story at this point. I’m just hoping that once I’m done with it, it’ll be a place that I enjoy being in and others do too.

Thanks for reading! ❤ – Linda